Author: Jin Wan

Categories
Family Relationships Teens

101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged

Norman Wright is a highly respected marriage, family and child therapist, grief therapist, and certified trauma specialist. He passed away in November 2023 but the 90 plus books he has written remain as relevant and practical as when they were first published. One of the many for me is “101 Questions to Ask before You Get Engaged”.

The idea for this book arose from his interaction with a friend about experiences with dating. Below is an excerpt from something his friend shared.

If there are any bits of advice I could give anyone who is looking for their ideal mate, it is these: Ask questions of anyone you date and store their answers in your memory bank to see if the answers continue to be consistent with their actions. If something appears to be a red flag, confront it and don’t let it slide as “not that big of a deal.” Interact with the other person’s friends (in group settings), such as on camping trips or skiing trips, or play interaction group–type games. If possible, spend time with the other person’s parents (and if any red flags come up, don’t ignore them, because their child is a product of their environment). If there are ways of seeing how the other person will handle pressure situations…put them in it (this way you are able to see how flexible they are or can be, and how they will hold up under pressure). Build a real friendship but stay out of bed, pray together, have similar values and interests in things, come to know the other person’s faults and know that you can accept them, watch to see how they treat their pets, and continue to interview them right up to the last moments before marriage….

I think that this is great advice, and the same advice I have given to many over the years who have approached me for guidance. And it has proven helpful. But before I read this book, all I could offer were general principles and a few specific questions to consider. The persons thinking about getting engaged had to work out for themselves how to apply these general principles.

This book fills in this important practical need of asking specific helpful questions in a comprehensive and systematic manner.  Wright begins by outlining and discussing key general issues that he knows from experience people have and discusses them. After setting this foundation, he literally suggests 101 questions to ask. For each question, he explains its significance and presents questions to reflect on.

For example, this is question 1.

What makes it easy for you to be open and vulnerable, and what makes it difficult?

The answers to these questions are a road map. First, can your partner be vulnerable? Have you seen signs that they can? You want to respond in a way that makes them feel at ease in your presence and not do anything to put a roadblock in their way. Give them every opportunity. Perhaps this is the first safe relationship they’ve experienced. If vulnerability and openness can’t occur here, how can it occur in marriage?

Wright is not suggesting that the person we marry must be perfect. Neither is he suggesting that we must know everything about a person before we get married. It’s not meant to be a check list of exam questions that a potential marriage partner must pass. The questions are meant to be primers to initiate deeper practical and honest conversations of what a healthy marital relationship should be like.

The questions are also meant to help identify potential future issues so a couple is aware and better equipped to deal with them should they decide to get married.

It is about paying attention to the “red flags”, and when to slam on the brakes at the “red lights” if needed.

It is an excellent and practical book. For those who attend pre-marital (Marriage preparation) courses, this book would be an excellent add on.

Reviewed by Pastor Paul Long

Categories
Character Growth Teens

11: Indispensable Relationships You Can’t Be Without

Leonard Sweet, among other things is a theologian, a church historian, and a pastor. In this book, he presents theological insights in a practical, easy to read, and encouraging manner.

The author’s focus in this book is the importance of not just relationships in our lives, but relationships in the context of companionship and spiritual growth. If we want to grow well as a disciple, we need to realize that we need some “indispensable relationships” in our lives. In this book he lists what he sees as 11 essential relationships. Each of these relationships is illustrated based on a biblical character.

What does he see as the 11 essential relationships? In his own words …

WHO’S YOUR NATHAN: You Need an Editor

WHO’S YOUR JONATHAN: You Need a True Friend

WHO’S YOUR JETHRO: You Need a Butt-Kicker

WHO’S YOUR TIMOTHY: You Need an Heir

WHO’S YOUR BARNABAS: You Need an Encourager

WHO’S YOUR PETER/PAUL: You Need a Yoda

WHO’S YOUR DEBORAH: You Need a Back-Coverer

WHO’S YOUR ZACCHAEUS: You Need a Reject

WHO’S YOUR RHODA: You Need a “Little One”

WHO ARE YOUR VIPS: You Need a Lydia and Lazarus, Rich and Poor

WHERE’S YOUR JERUSALEM: You Need a Place

THE INVISIBLE 12TH: You Need the Paraclete

What I find helpful is that as Sweet discusses each relationship, he illustrates widely from the Bible, as well as from historical stories, classic and contemporary literature, and everyday real-life examples and issues. His illustrations connect on many different levels.

He makes clear that putting theory to practice requires commitment, authenticity, and can be painful. But he also makes clear of the great benefits. And for each chapter, he provides many challenging questions for deeper Bible study as well as personal reflection.

If you want to grow as a disciple this is a book worth reading and reflecting on.

The real meaning of life is not a journey question or an arrival question. It’s a relationship question. Your journey and your destination are both important, but neither is possible without an answer to this prior question: Who do you have with you?

Leonard Sweet

Reviewed by Paul Long

Categories
Biography Family Teens

Out of a Far Country: A Gay Son’s Journey to God. A Broken Mother’s Search for Hope

Published testimonies from Christians who have same-sex attractions are nothing too unusual. However, “Out of a Far Country” has a big difference, it consists of TWO people’s testimonies – one of the prodigal son and one of the always-welcoming mother. What makes this approach interesting is that every chapter alternates between the testimony and point of view of the son (Christopher Yuan) and his mother (Angela Yuan). So you’re literally seeing the story unfold from 2 people’s point of view – each coming from their own perspective, giving us essentially 2 sides of the same story. Layered on top of that, you get to see the unique personal struggles of both Christopher and Angela – both of them struggled with very different things, and how God worked on Christopher through his journey with same sex attractions, addictions, high-flying LGBT lifestyle and drugs, while Angela struggled with her son’s rejection of her love, her son’s homosexuality, her strained marriage and her broken past. It’s a book filled with the full range of human emotions and God’s work in turning them both from unbelief to belief, from hopelessness to hope and from death to life.

What really struck me about this book is how well-written and well-articulated it is. The writing is refined, it’s not crass, it flows extremely well chapter-to-chapter. When reading it, I felt the pain, desperation, turning points and joy that both Christopher and Angela experienced. The descriptions were so vivid that it felt as if I was present at the dining table with Angela, at the dining table with Chris and family, at the train station with Angela, at the parties then in jail with Chris, and at the prayer room with Angela, and so on. Because Christopher and Angela Yuan have both gone through so much in their lives, there is so much to follow in the book and it kept me reading literally non-stop. Every chapter spurred me on to read “just one more chapter” because I was keen to find out what happened to them next. Furthermore, because each chapter is quite short, I end up reading a good number of chapters on each sitting! And every chapter feels different and interesting. Because it comes from two angles, it made this book twice as touching and impactful for me. I found myself cheering for Angela, for Leon (Christopher’s father) and of course, Chris himself. It is a modern real-life tale of the prodigal son and long-suffering parents… and a long-suffering God, who loved them all so much that He gave His Son for them all, and saved the Yuan’s entire family.

I said there was a sting in the end and the sting is this: I felt a bit sad at the end because Christopher indicated that he continues to live with the reality of HIV, and so he must continue to monitor himself – and there may come a point in time he may have to actually start taking medication to treat it. That said, it is so good to see how God had completely turned the Yuan family’s lives around – especially Christopher, when he could’ve been dead countless times! Highly recommended.

Reviewed by Jin Wan

Categories
Devotional Growth Sermon Teens

Do not be true to yourself: countercultural advice for the rest of your life

I like Kevin DeYoung. His preaching is versatile and he is able to adjust his sermons to Christians of different maturity levels and different age groups. He has written a number of short books which are easy to pick up and quick to read. Who doesn’t like short books? It gives you a sense of achievement in finishing a book quick! While his short books can be short (he writes longer books too), they are by no means shallow or unchallenging.

I picked up “Do not be true to yourself: countercultural advice for the rest of your life” because well, the title grabbed me! In an age when the world keeps telling you to “be true to yourself”, “follow your own passion” and so on, “do not be true to yourself” is a rather counter-intuitive piece of advice, but hey, anything that goes against the grain of the world can’t be wrong, can it?

This book is easy to pick up, because it is based on sermons that DeYoung preached to students and graduates at baccalaureate and commencement services. Therefore the 5 sermon adaptation in this book is written and targeted to teens and young adults. One look at the headings and it will give you an idea of what this book is about: “Don’t be true to yourself”, “Choose for yourselves”, “The first day of the next chapter of your life”, “Two ways to live” and “Horseshoes, Hand Grenades and the Kingdom of God”. This book is about choices you make while you are young. Make the right choices while you are young and you can enjoy God for longer while on earth. The book has an Ecclesiastes 12:1 ring to it: “Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, ‘I have no pleasure in them'”

It’s only 56 pages, and you can easily read the book in one reading – what an achievement! It is very easy to understand, and you will take away something practical in every single one of the five short chapters. It’s a good reminder of how Jesus commands those who are His disciples to live on earth. A quote from the book: “You should not be true to yourself, unless you have died to your old self and your new self is raised with Christ and seated with him in the heavenly places.” Good stuff!

Reviewed by Jin Wan

Categories
Commentary Growth Sermon

Romans (14 Volume Set)

If a preacher faithfully preached the entire book of Romans once a week, every single week, how long would it take for him to finish preaching? If you’re Martyn Lloyd-Jones, it’ll take you 13 years. This man of God – one of the greatest preachers of the 20th century, one whom I consider a 20th century Christian Puritan – faithfully preached every single Wednesday, for 13 years on the book of Romans.

These 14 books are based on all his preaching on Romans, but has been adapted and personally edited by Lloyd-Jones to suit reading. When I bought the full set of 14 books, I wasn’t sure if I would ever finish reading the set. But when I got started and felt the depth of the gospel of God Himself through Lloyd-Jones’ blessed preaching, I really couldn’t stop.

Here’s the thing about Martyn Lloyd-Jones’ preaching. He is utterly faithful in his exposition. He plumbs the depths and riches of every verse in Romans to its uttermost depth, but he remains faithful and will not “fill in the blanks” in areas where Scripture has intentionally left blank. The depth of his preaching unearths things you never thought about in Scripture, while the faithfulness of his preaching makes it trustworthy. If you have listened to the recordings of his sermons (I highly recommend you do on https://www.mljtrust.org/), when you read these books, you would feel as if he’s still preaching “live” to you.

Here are some quotes from the books:

“The devil cannot prevent any of us from becoming Christians, but he often does succeed in making us miserable Christians.”
– Romans: Exposition of Chapter 1

“Are you a Christian? This is how you discover the answer. Have you ceased altogether to look at yourself or to yourself, in every possible way? And are you looking only and entirely and utterly to the Lord Jesus Christ the Son of God, and what He has done on your behalf?”
– Romans: Exposition of Chapter 3:20 – 4:25

“We must not only assert the truth; we must attack the evil and the false; we must ‘prove’ our truth and demonstrate it; and that can only be done by means of a negative. State the truth, consider the objections, answer them, and so you establish the truth yet more firmly. This is the method of the Apostle himself.”
– Romans: Exposition of Chapter 8:17-39

These are powerful books and the Holy Spirit still works through Martyn Lloyd-Jones’ exposition of Romans. These 14 books will help you realise who God really is, who you really are, and how God really relates to His people whom He has chosen and saved. Read them and weep, rejoice, love, anticipate and rest.

Reviewed by Jin Wan

Categories
Eschatology

The Last Days Handbook

Many years ago, I purchased the first edition of this book that was published in 1997 to better answer the questions many people I knew had on the subject of “The end times” or “the last days” (i.e., Eschatology). It was hot topic then especially with the year 2000 fast approaching, and the influential teaching by some on how the Millennial bug would cause financial chaos, and usher in what they believed would be the great tribulation, and its part to play in the end of the world. For some, those who hold to a different understanding were considered at best ignorant Christians, and at worst unbiblical and theologically unsound. For many Christians, the details are not just confusing, but causes unpleasant and unnecessary division in the church.

As it is now 2024, obviously the predicted end of the world did not happen then. But that non-event has not slowed down the hardline disagreements among some Christians. Holding to a particular End-times / Last Days / Eschatological view / system is still at times for some, a non-negotiable core doctrinal belief. But I don’t believe that this should be the case.

If you are confused about eschatology, especially the different terminology used, or would just like to know more about the different views other Christians hold (and they all have biblical grounds) this is a good book to read. The book’s subtitle is an excellent description of the book: A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding the Different Views of Prophecy. Who believes what about prophecy and why.

The author (who passed away in 2018) holds strongly to a theological position on eschatology, and briefly writes about it in a section on “Frequently asked questions”. However, his purpose is to present the many views others hold to in a fair manner without criticising their positions. And this he does well.

In this book the author describes the three major eschatological systems, namely Premillennialism, amillennialism, postmillennialism, and explains some of the key variant views within each system. I find it helpful that he points out the many variants especially within the premillennialism system. And to help explain each view, he has many helpful charts and illustrations that visually describe each view.

Another helpful aspect of this book is that the author goes beyond just describing the various systems and views. He also explains why they are so many variant views and how our methods of interpretating Scripture shapes our views.

Still another helpful aspect of this book is the author’s suggestions as to what we can do with the knowledge he has presented. Basically, practical actions that not just seeks to guide a person to decide on what view best fits his or her understanding of Scripture, but also the attitudes we should have, so there is love, healing, and unity with those who may hold different views.

This revised edition does an excellent job in reorganizing his chapters, adding new ones, clarifying questions that arose from his first edition, and updating things the charts for greater clarity. The book also contains an excellent glossary that will help define terms used in this book.  A good book to read if you are interested in a good overview of “The Last Days”.

Reviewed by Pastor Paul

Categories
Children Devotional Growth

The Gospel Made Clear to Children

Sometimes, even as Christians, we underestimate children’s ability to comprehend the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yet wasn’t it our Lord Jesus himself who said, “unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven”? Some may interpret this to mean our gospel needs to be dumbed down into meaninglessness, but of course, we know that’s a lie. After all the gospel is the full content of God’s good news of salvation for mankind. Enter Jennifer Adams’ “The Gospel Made Clear to Children”.

What’s the purpose of this book? In Adams’ own words, she “wrote this book to explain God’s love to children as it is manifested in the gospel of Christ. It is written for parents to read aloud to younger children (elementary) and for older children (youth) to work through independently” What I find utterly amazing about this book is that, it is full of biblical doctrine fully backed by Scripture, yet it is explained in an utterly plain and simple manner so that both children and adults understand the rich content of the gospel of God!

The beauty of this book is that it doesn’t water down the gospel just because it is meant for kids. This means it lays out the whole gospel – from the easiest to read bits to the most difficult to accept bits. Adams’ lays it out as it is, and in doing so, glorifies God and teaches kids what it really means to be loved by God and living for God as a result. Here’s an excerpt:

“Jesus said that many who are first will be last, and the last, first. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted. The greatest will be a servant, and whoever wishes to be first must be a slave, just as Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.

Does this teaching sound too hard? It is hard, but the price of not following Jesus is one we cannot afford. Jesus said that we are to do whatever we must to avoid sin. Jesus said not to fear man who can kill the body, but to fear God who can destroy both body and soul in hell.”

“The Gospel made Clear to Children”, Jennifer Adams

If you’re an adult, don’t scoff at this book as a mere children’s book. It’s not. As an adult myself, I found myself learning some new and some deep things about the gospel of God. It’s truly refreshing to have a book like this. Leave a legacy and teach your children to love God with all their heart and soul and mind and might. Awesome book.

Review by: Jin Wan

Categories
Devotional Prayer

Valley of Vision

Sometimes prayer seems rather difficult or “otherworldly”. We find we are not able to muster the words to utter before our Lord God Almighty, despite knowing that He is there, available to hear us anytime, anywhere, as His beloved children. When we need some inspiration in our prayer life, it may help to see how others pray, and that is exactly what the Valley of Vision does powerfully and empathically.

The Valley of Vision is a collection of prayers uttered by our Christian Puritan brothers and sisters. Who are the Puritans? Stephen Nichols explains that Puritans are believers of keen minds, of impassioned hearts, and of assiduous lives. He says, “Puritanism is simply this: rigorous theology graciously applied.” Joel Beeke explains further, “They were not only the two thousand ministers who were ejected from the Church of England by the Act of Uniformity in 1662, but also those ministers in England and North America, from the sixteenth century through the early eighteenth century, who worked to reform and purify the church and to lead people toward godly living consistent with the Reformed doctrines of grace.” In short, Puritans were people who lived through their ups and downs in life as if the God of Scripture was the most important thing in their lives.

When I first read the Valley of Vision, I was blown away by these kind of prayers. It’s not the kind of prayers we hear very often nowadays. And when I pray these prayers, it was as if I literally stepped into the shoes of a Puritan in prayer! The prayers were so deep that I had never imagined anyone being able to pray and connect with God in such a heartfelt way. Reading a Puritan prayer from The Valley of Vision sharpens the focus of my heart, soul, mind and strength on the Lord Himself. Whenever I find that I’m at a loss for words, or don’t know what to pray during my devotion with God, I open this book, and I find in them the rich depths of the deepest, most heartfelt prayers ever prayed by godly men and women. You see, these prayer are real prayers, by real people, in real situations in life. And that makes it real and powerful.

Don’t believe me? Try reading and praying this one of many prayers found in The Valley of Vision, entitled, “A Disciple’s Renewal”:

O MY SAVIOUR,

Help me.
    I am so slow to learn,
      so prone to forget,
      so weak to climb;
I am in the foothills when I should be
    on the heights;
I am pained by my graceless heart,
  my prayerless days,
  my poverty of love,
  my sloth in the heavenly race,
  my sullied conscience,
  my wasted hours,
  my unspent opportunities.
I am blind while light shines around me:
  take the scales from my eyes,
  grind to dust the evil heart of unbelief.
Make it my chiefest joy to study thee,
  meditate on thee,
  gaze on thee,
  sit like Mary at thy feet,
  lean like John on thy breast,
  appeal like Peter to thy love,
  count like Paul all things dung.
Give me increase and progress in grace
    so that there may be
  more decision in my character,
  more vigour in my purposes,
  more elevation in my life,
  more fervour in my devotion,
  more constancy in my zeal.
As I have a position in the world,
  keep me from making the world my position;
May I never seek in the creature
  what can be found only in the Creator;
Let not faith cease from seeking thee
until it vanishes into sight.
  Ride forth in me, thou King of kings
    and Lord of lords,
  that I may live victoriously,
    and in victory attain my end.

Even though it seems “effortless” to use someone else’s powerful prayer as your own, you’ll be surprised that it works! When you pray these prayers, you are going to sense the presence of God because Puritan prayers are so intensely directed towards God. You can use The Valley of Vision as a daily devotional or quiet time, alongside your Bible readings, or even read and pray with loved ones.

I initially bought a bonded leather copy, then after being so impacted by this book, I bought a premium goatskin copy of The Valley of Vision. This sits next to my Bible literally every single day. Get it, use it, and grow in Christlike prayers.

Review by: Jin Wan

Categories
Growth Teens

Thoughts for Young Men

JC Ryle is one of my favourite all time authors – he writes so clearly and simply, making this book perfect for people young and old. And it’s such a tiny book of less than 100 pages, that young people are more likely to read. In this book, JC Ryle provides godly, powerful yet simple advice for young Christian men and women alike. As I read it, I was surprised at how immediately relevant every pearl of wisdom was. He warns young people of dangers in life, he exhorts young people to living a holy life, he encourages young people to steadfastly walk with God.

Here are just a few excerpts from this book:

“For one thing, there is the painful fact that there are few young men anywhere who seem to be Christians.”

“Never be ashamed of being a learner: Jesus was one at twelve years; when He was found in the temple, He was ‘sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions’ (Luke 2:46).”

“It is only when self is nothing and Christ is all our confidence, it is only then that we shall do great exploits.”

“Hell itself is truth known too late. Be wise in time. What youth sows, old age must reap. Do not give the most precious season of your life to that which will not comfort you in the latter days of your life.”

It’s amazing how someone who wrote these gems 100+ years ago, is not only so relevant, but it feels like it was written by someone today! It shows that times haven’t changed for humanity, and we need the same light and salvation of God. This will make a great gift to others too.

Review by: Jin Wan

Categories
Devotional

Looking deeper than mere platitudes

1 Chronicles 28, 2 Peter 2, Micah 5, Luke 14

After you have been a Christian for awhile, you may have heard certain phrases repeated over and over again. God loves you. If God is for us, who can be against us? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid. God is with you. He will not leave nor forsake you. The trouble is that more often than not, these pithy phrases are often sung in worship service to “set the mood”, used for the convenience of the moment or uttered without a thought about God Himself, resulting in many of them being rendered meaningless. Surely when a Christian says, “God is love,” he or she means something utterly different from what the world means when they say the same thing, often within the context of something that completely contradicts God’s Word and God Himself. David’s charge to his son Solomon gives us an idea of how to look beyond mere Christian platitudes, and into the very heart of God. David said to Solomon, “Be strong and courageous and do it. Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God, is with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, until all the work for the service of the house of the Lord is finished.” Why should Solomon be strong and courageous and do it? Why should Solomon not be afraid nor dismayed? Why should Solomon be assured that God is with him? Why should Solomon know that God will not leave nor forsake him? Because the work for the service of the house of the Lord must be finished. And God will make sure His work is finished as He works in and through you. As Christians, you can be strong and courageous, you can be assured God is with you because he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6). So every time you use familiar phrases, use it in this light – that you will continue to let God have His way in you, and to transform by the renewal of your mind, to love and serve Him and His people.

Now God’s truth requires us to look for something different when we think about ourselves—namely, a knowledge which banishes our arrogant belief in our own strength and which removes every excuse for vainglory, leading us instead to humility.

John Calvin, “Institutes of the Christian Religion”

PRAYER POINTER

Ask your Father in heaven to deepen your relationship with Him every time you think and use His Word in your life.

Source: “For the Fear and Love of the Lord” devotional (Day 334)